Finished with Finishing

2021 has exited, 2022 has come in and as it’s still early, there are already these discussions, resolutions if you will, of finishing the things we start this year. Attached to letting go the shame of not finishing things in the past. But who defines what finished looks like for you? 

The idea of finishing could probably be the result of childhood trauma. Think about it, a lot of us have been taught that we need to finish things. When you’re a child you have to finish your meals because someone paid good money for you to eat that food. As a result, you feel the need to clear your plate, right? Somewhere along the way, someone has told you that you never finished things, that you don't follow things through to the end - whether it's learning to play the oboe, having a friendship, or being in a relationship with somebody - nothing ever reaches an ending. We have internalized that shit to mean that something is wrong with us because we don't see something through to the end. But I want to challenge that notion. 

When you're done with something, haven't you finished? When you are done, you have decided that this is the stopping point, that the thing that you are doing doesn't bring you pleasure, that it is not something that you want to continue to engage in. In fact, you are finished. The reality is that you have actually seen it through to the end of what you're willing to tolerate. The problem with this idea of “you didn't finish it, you're being wasteful, or you’re a quitter” is that it teaches us not to trust our own instincts and our inner voice. The one that tells us when something isn't good or doesn't fit right, or it's something that we need to move away from. So we learn to stop trusting ourselves. 

For example, this is why some people have such an issue with overeating. We have not been taught to rely on our inner voice that tells us when we're actually full, when we no longer want to eat something or when we don't like something. We were taught that we were supposed to finish it just for the sake of finishing it. But all this really taught us was how to move away from our own inner voice, and not to trust our instincts and our choices, and to see our choices as invalid. 

Not listening to our inner voice centers what others want over what we want. Your mom might want you to clear your plate, but you are done eating. Your dad might want you to keep playing the oboe and not quit your instrument, but you are done. Instead of realizing that you are a finisher, you internalize a message about being a quitter, even though you didn’t quit,  you were simply done. How many of you are in relationships, hoping to see it through to the end till it's finished? Instead of being finished with it? I think it's a real question. Because a lot of us are like, well, there's nothing wrong in my relationship, I just don't really want to be in it. I don't have a “reason” to leave, but I'm looking at the fact that you want to leave as reason enough to do so. The fact that you don't like your job is not “reason enough” to leave because they pay you. Think about it, that’s really low-bar … It’s work, they’re supposed to pay you.  Don’t crush yourself under the weight of well, I should finish it. When will you be finished with it, at retirement? 

Let's get back to listening to our inner voice and learning to trust that inner instinct. Even if you don't trust it at first, the first step that you can do is just listen for it. Try to get back into the space where you hear that voice that tells you “you're done.” And if you keep going, that's fine. But the fact is you're learning to train your ear to it is the key. Once you hear it, you will begin to get to the space where you start to pause for a minute or short period of time, then pause for a day possibly even a week, and then pause for a month. Finally, you will learn to be done, because you're not a quitter, you were just finished and those two things are synonyms. You saw a thing through to its conclusion as it needed to happen for you and you declared it done. Therefore, you finished.

In my upcoming masterclass, Goal Diggers, we’re going to spend some time creating and planning for goals that you will be comfortable with seeing through to your finishing point. Join me on January 22, 2022, as we spend some time together making smarter goals and creating actionable steps to complete them. Click here for more information and to reserve your space today!

Now I want to hear from you. Weigh-in to the comments below and/or on IG. What is something that someone deemed you to be a quitter but you’re now realizing that you just simply were done?