The Time of the Year That’s “The Most”
It’s already here … the holiday season. “The most wonderful time of the year,” or is it just really the time of year when people, ie. your relatives, seem to just do “the most?” After spending last year’s holidays sheltering in place or with smaller gatherings, many of us may find ourselves invited to or planning to attend larger-sized family gatherings. Although they can be a great time, they can also be a source of strong anxiety and even trauma for some.
Without loss of generality, it is probably safe to conclude that most of us have that one family member that just seems to ask all of the nosey and inappropriate questions and has something to say about everything. You know the lineup - “Why you not married yet?” “When y’all going to stop shacking and get married?” “When you having kids?” “You know you not getting any younger, what you waiting for?” I’m sure you have more you can add and have done the expected eye-rolls and sighs with the ones here.
Over time it begins to be a bit too much to deal with and really makes you want to scream “Mind your damn business!!” But you don’t want the backlash of telling off your aging auntie. Here are a few tips to help you get through this and any other holiday season, or family event/gathering.
#1 - No is a whole sentence.
Here’s an example. Are you coming to dinner this year? No. See easy. There’s no need to explain anything! If attending the event brings a sense of dread and anxiety, it is ok to decline the invitation. Do not feel that you need to explain your absence and why you don’t want to or will not attend.
#2 - Set boundaries and stand by them.
You do not have to engage in those nosey questions. It is ok to say, “I don’t want to talk about that,” or “I’m not answering.” Go back to Tip #1 - It is ok to say no to things that do not honor you.
#3 - Feel free to leave.
Sometimes people don’t want to adhere to anyone’s boundaries. And that’s fine for them. You have the option to leave once you arrive, the same as you can choose to go. It can become uncomfortable quickly to be around people who insist on dishonoring your boundaries. When you have had enough, you can leave without offering a detailed, if any, explanation at all.
#4 - Begin a new tradition.
Do something that you’ve always wanted to do. Family traditions are great but if it becomes taxing, you can start something new. Create your own traditions or you may just decide that your “new” tradition is to not have a tradition at all.
This time of year does not have to be stressful. What’s more than that, these tips aren’t just for the holidays. They can be used at any time and for any reason that you see fit. As we are doing more to come back into shared spaces we want to be sure to continue to put our own mental health at the forefront. If we have learned nothing else since the onset of the pandemic, it is that our safe spaces are important and they do not have to be shared. While we may want to have interaction with others after having been in isolated places we want to do so in the healthiest way possible to our mental health. It’s time to choose you! Not just for the holidays but for every day.
