Do YOU Take Accountability?
Do You Take Accountability?
So, are you really who you accuse other people of being? Just a question. Because let’s be real—so many of us talk a lot about responsibility and accountability like they’re the same thing. But also, we’re quick to accuse others of not taking accountability, of not stepping up and taking responsibility… while we’re out here not doing it either.
We’re going to dig into that, but first—hey, sunshine! I’m Dr. Donna Oriowo, a relationship therapist in the Washington, D.C. metro area, helping Black women feel free, fabulous, and f*cked. And today, I want to talk a little bit about accountability—specifically, what it really means and why it’s so hard for some of us to own it.
Responsibility vs. Accountability: Know the Difference
First, let’s clear something up. Responsibility and accountability are not the same thing.
Responsibility is task-oriented. It’s about what you’re supposed to do.
Accountability is outcome-oriented. It’s about how things actually end up.
That’s an important distinction because it shifts the conversation from “I did my part” to “What role did I play in the result?”
Three Key Takeaways on Accountability
Here are three things I recently shared with my In Black Feelings group (which, by the way, you can join every Tuesday at noon):
1. Even If It’s Not Your Fault, That Doesn’t Mean You Didn’t Play a Role
Let’s keep it real—on a micro, mezzo, and macro level, we always play a role in the things that happen around us. The question is: What are we going to do with that role? Are we going to own it and shift our behavior, or are we going to pretend like we were just innocent bystanders?
2. Internal vs. External Accountability
There are two types of accountability:
Internal accountability: This is where you hold yourself accountable to your own values and beliefs—and then actually act accordingly. It’s about making sure your words and actions match. Because like I always say, don’t just listen to what people say—watch their feet. Actions will always tell the real story.
External accountability: This is how you are accountable to others for the outcomes of your actions. And the truth is, some of us aren’t willing to take this kind of accountability because we’re not ready to. Because it’s scary. Because this is where real power lies.
3. The Power Is in Taking Accountability
Let’s be honest—one of the reasons it feels so good to point fingers at others, to say, they messed up, they didn’t do what they were supposed to do—is because if we had to look at the ways we contributed to an outcome, we would have to do two things:
Recognize our own power.
Actually do something about it.
And that’s hard. It’s easier to deflect than to change. But if you think you’re too small to make a difference, then clearly you’ve never spent the night with a mosquito. And I encourage you to do so—maybe even three.
Final Thoughts
So, how are you taking accountability? Not just calling it out in others, but actually looking at your own actions and owning your impact?
Hit me in the comments, but also—go watch the YouTube video for more details. And remember: discourse, not disrespect.
Alright, bye!
The Doctors Recommendations…..aka TL:DR
We all have to take accountability for the actions we take and the ones we don’t. While we may not always be responsible for what happens in life, we are ALWAYS accountable— because we played a role. Determine which role you played and decide if that’s good enough for you.
