We are living in what feels like an unprecedented time. There are genocides galore and the feelings of powerlessness and voicelessness abound— wreaking havoc on our emotions, yes, but also likely giving a pretty heavy dose of vicarious trauma. You can’t watch the aftermath of bombing, see babies beheaded, and simultaneously hear some of our government officials say “you just don’t understand,” without wondering what fucking reality you are living in.

I don’t yet digress. I am a sex and relationship therapist. If I were you, I would be wondering why I am talking about this as though I have a modicum of expertise. After all, I am no political pundit. I would remind you that my expertise lies in understanding relationships, patterns, and power. And for me, that is all I see when I think about what is going on on the world stage. All I can see are connections, patterns, relationships, and power.

Recently I had the honor of meeting with Dr. Jess for her podcast, Sex with Dr. Jess and we spoke about sexual compatibility. I don’t think it’s much of a secret that I think folk use the idea of being sexually compatible as a cop out. 

What I mean is that we often work hard as hell to NOT try but then blame everything on sexual compatibility. We will say there is no chemistry, that we feel off, and have really done no work. Now, you know that I am a whole assed sex and relationship therapist so ima give you a short run down on the tea spilt in that conversation with Dr. Jess.

There is an expectation that Black people, and women especially, will humble themselves before the supposed greatness of whiteness and maleness. That we will be humble in our achievements, because we are intended to be invisible in our labor that benefits white pockets. Well, it seems those days are dead, and good riddance!

TL; DR: anxiety can happen a lot at night because of the last thing you ate, the last thing you watched, or that stuff that never got figured out in the day because now your brain is quiet. Manage that nighttime anxiety by managing what you eat, see, and by creating a routine that gives you great rest!