Breaking the “Fuck it, I’ll Do IT!” Cycle
Transcription of video….
Hey, y'all just wanted to check in with you because there was something that was said in therapy, I'm in my office, that I wanted to actually share. Now, I know that sounded scary, right? It's like, oh my gosh, she's telling all the business of therapy. No, I'm not. What I'm actually talking about has a lot more to do with the type of client that I see, because I focus in on black and brown women, specifically black women in issues of sexuality, anxiety, depression, and how those things relate back to a little self esteem and how that can mess up with our relationships. And I do this because I'm passionate about it, that's it. But what I wanted to really talk about was the fuck it, I'll do it attitude.
Many of us have that attitude. We want things to be done and we are trying to gather the people. We’re trying to ask for space at the table. We’re trying to sit at the table. We’re trying to set the table. We’re trying to do all this work all the time! At some point after you try, and try, and try to gather the people, you just say:
“Fuck it, I’ll do it!”
The thing is, it sounds like a great solution, but it’s not, because what it often leads to is:
Feeling tired
Unappreciated
Not loved
What can we do instead?
3 Things that you can do instead of saying, “Fuck it, I’ll do it!”
Re-evaluate your groups.
What I mean by that is take a look at the people who are in your circle. Who are these friends, these family members, these loves, these acquaintances (business or otherwise)?
These people that are in your circle, the people that care about the things that you care about, you are not going to have to work and cajoles and beg and plead with them to support your cause, to support the thing you want to do.You must actually COMMUNICATE.
People who do not know what it is that you are looking for, do not know what the goal is, do not know what the end plan/end game is. They can’t really Participate because they are so busy guessing what it is that you’re looking for. They don’t know your expectations. So we’ve got to be better about setting those expectations, not just inwardly, because I think a lot of us- we know what we want up here (head), right?! We don’t share it out here (mouth).
“Real G’s don’t move in silence, like lasagna!” “Those who want to be fed, open their mouths first.”
Consult.
Consult with who? Consult with some of the people in your circle. What are they doing? Do you know? How do you support them? How do you show up in their lives? Do you actually give space for people to show up in yours? Sometimes it’s not that people don’t want to support you. It’s not even that they don’t know what you what/what the end goal is. Sometimes you just haven’t made space because we are so used to saying, “Fuck it, I’ll do it!”, that that’s all we do. We say fuck it every day, we say I’ll do it every day and we never allow the people in our lives who want to say fuck it they’ll help us. We don’t allow them the space to do so.
I would love to hear back from YOU. Hey! Maybe we can have a little bit of a dialog?
The Doc Recommendations… aka TL;DR:
“Fuck It, I’ll do it” can be a function of asking the wrong people for help, but I have found that more times than not, its a function of you never having really asked in the first place. If you want people to participate actively in your life, you must make room.
How do you make room? Tell me in the comments below
