Single During the Holidays
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, they’re all around the corner. So, I have to ask, are you ready to deal with your family?
We all know how it is when you go home, all your family is there, that auntie, your uncles, some of them you love and some of them you're not even sure you like. And while everybody is hanging out waiting for grandma to finish cooking dinner, they get to asking dumb questions. I mean all kinds of things like:
"Did you lose weight?”
“Oh you look little more hefty, you been eating good?”
Then comes the one that you’ve really, really been dreading....
"How come you ain't got no boyfriend" or "You still don’t have a special girl?"
“Why ain't you married yet?” “Where my grandbabies?”
Those are some of the most disrespectful questions that you'll get over this holiday season, mostly because your relatives have failed to MIND THEIR BUSINESS! They don’t know that there are therapeutic benefits (you can read about them here!) Being single over the holidays can be really rough because of various things, specifically having family members ask about why you don't have somebody special in your life. It can feel like it's a personal failure on your part because you didn’t do what your family has expected you to do and get knocked up or at least start your journey by dating someone. I mean let’s be honest, aren’t all these questions founded on the fact that your family want some little ones running around? And while I can respect that they want something so special, you still have a whole life to live that should not be revolving around whether you're going to disappoint your family for the holidays. At the end of the day, your being single has nothing to do with your self worth. It's just a part of where you are in life.
So, if you’re not in the mood to share your life or feel like you need to explain yourself here is your guide on how to deal with your family asking dumb ass questions, especially about your singledom over the holidays. (Yes, I said singledom!)
Now there have been many solutions out there, one of my favorites has been seeing people put up those ads for fake boyfriends and girlfriends. You know the one, I’m talking about - where they offer to be your girlfriend/boyfriend for a couple hours in exchange for some of grandma’s collard greens and sweet potato pie! And that is certainly one way to go, I have to give it to them, it is innovative.
But ya’ll should know by now I'm all about telling the truth wherever and whenever possible. So, you can tell your relatives that your therapist (which is me today) said to mind they business and that you can't be with nobody right now. BOOM!
Another way to deal, other than having a fake partner or having a fake therapist is to tell your family that you're not allowed to be with nobody. If you have a religious bunch why don't you go ahead and tell them that you are married to the Lord. Tell them that the Lord said He will provide when the time is right, your earthly husband or earthly wife or earthly person. What they gonna say? Isn't it blasphemous if they try to say something like "well the Lord need to hurry up?" Though, I have been known to say that line a time or two myself, but I ain’t got no couth. And as you tell them, be sure to ask them kindly to pass you the ham at the same time!
In all seriousness, if you feel like you have the type of family that will carry on about what accomplishments you don't have, comparing you, or otherwise making you feel less-than about your life like including not having a partner at the holidays, you need not spend your time with them. This is part of self care, spending time in ways that benefit you, not in ways that harm you.
You can go to a friends house for Thanksgiving and enjoy the pie over there, or even make yourself a lil somethin’ somethin’ at home.
You can try redirecting the conversation, or letting folk know that the link of questioning makes you uncomfortable and to please stop.
Or just pick up and leave when things get beyond you tolerance level, don’t forget to grab some pie
However, I believe in the power of setting expectations prior to arriving. So if you do decide to visit your family, let people know that you will not be answering any questions about X, Y, or Z and you don't want to hear about it or talk about it. If you’re not quite ready to set expectations, you can always studiously ignore them! Whichever way you want to go for the holidays just remember that your being single is not a character defect or character flaw. You are in the space you are in because of whatever choices you have made or the choices that other people have made. You've chosen that you want something better for yourself, someone better than whoever you might have been with a couple months, weeks, or days ago. They didn't belong in your life and they certainly don't belong around your Thanksgiving table. So, rock out, start the holidays, end this year, and start the new year thinking about you and your needs leaving the door open for all the best for you.
And your family...they can just wait the same way that you are, they ain’t got grandkids money anyway!
On Instagram I asked for some asshole ways to answer the “Why are you still single question?” Here are the top 3:
Why are you still married to you cheating ass husband
Dick too big (shrug emoji)
I don’t know grandma, why do you still vote for trump and want me dead?
What are yours?!
