Channeling Your Inner Clit
Every Thursday on my IG page, I do “If Therapy Walls Could Talk.” This is where I share things that my clients or I have shared while in session. No personal stories or anything like that, just statements that make you think. And last week while I was in the therapy office I said something out my mouth that didn't make no daggone sense when I said it but made perfect freaking sense as I explained it. I told someone to act like their clitoris. To channel their clitoris and to live that life.
Yes, you read that right - act like your clitoris!
I know y'all are probably reading this with a side eye but it was actually in the context of what Black folk, especially Black women do all the time, work to produce. We’ve been conditioned and taught that our value lies in what we produce, what we do, and how we help to further the white supremacist patriarchal capitalistic agenda. (Don't let me get up on that high horse right now because that’s a blog post for another day.)
But, we believe so much in the idea that we are only valuable and worthy when producing something that when we take a break, or take some time to just chill out we can’t really enjoy it because we feel guilty. How many times have you curled up on your couch ready to binge watch a show and find yourself wondering how productive you were that day? You start wondering if you got enough work done and if you should take this “me time” to get even more done. It may not be actual 9-5 work, but you’re thinking about if you should start reading a new book, research about that new business idea you had, or taking up a new side hustle since you have “so much time on your hands.”
We often feel like we aren't productive enough, so much so that we choose hobbies that are even focused on producing something, rather than our own pleasure. Think about it, when you’re thinking about taking up a new hobby are you truly thinking about what would bring you pleasure - like meditating in the park or are you thinking of ways to produce, get money, put yourself ahead, or give yourself knowledge? Don’t get me wrong, these are great to ponder on, but not 24/7 and not because you feel like if you’re not doing something you’re losing value or behind.
So, tell me something, are you guilty?
Are you guilty of only doing things that bring you money?
Only doing things that will expand your knowledge base so that you can make more money?
Are you guilty of feeling guilty when you hang out with people because you feel like you weren’t productive?
Are you the person that feels like you can't really live and do all the things that you want because you feel like you just been loafing too much, like you just been chilling too much, like you just ain't been doing enough?
If you are then I'm going to give you the same advice I gave my client:
I need you to try to channel your inner clitoris.
I don't care if you have one or not, I need you to channel it because we always talk about how we're supposed to be productive, but everything about you is not productive. The human body is made up of a bunch of functions that are often inefficient and some that are just not all that productive. So if you are taking on the belief that your job as a person is to produce, be productive, and be efficient when you do it, I would remind you of the clitoris. The clitoris whose only purpose in this world is to experience pleasure. Sometimes its super efficient and other times it is a slow build.
I want you to channel your inner clitoris and focus on things that only give you pleasure - whether you’re giving it or receiving it. For you that might mean something completely different than the next person reading it right? So here is one of the best things that you can do:
Bring yourself pleasure before producing anything else
Sometimes the things that we like to do can produce something. I get it. However, I want you to spend some time thinking about what it is that you can do that is not about what you would produce, but rather is about the pleasure that it brings you. What are some things that would have you feeling good, relaxed, and at peace the moment you start? Not 1 year from now or even 1 week from now, but this very moment?
For me, while reading is something that is often seen as productive, because it can produce knowledge which can be used, I read mainly for my pleasure. I read fantasy novels, and things with magic, witchcraft, and fairies! I like to be taken to lands that seem to have no similarities to the land we live on now. On occasion, I read books that do bring me knowledge. While those times can still be pleasurable, their purpose in that moment is not my pleasure, but my seeking of knowledge. See the difference? We have to put ourselves in the frame of mind to do the thing that brings us pleasure first and produces results second or never.
What is something you do that brings you unadulterated joy and pleasure? Tell us in the comments below, and maybe you can be who sparks giving someone an idea of how to bring more pleasure into their lives.
