Being Single on Valentine's Day Could Actually Be a Good Thing

The season of love is among us, Valentine's Day is a couple days away, and for those of you who have a bae I hope you are enjoying it. But, I know everyone doesn’t have a romantic significant other, and it can feel hurtful and harmful to constantly watch those Valentine's Day Kay Jewelers commercials or to scroll your timeline and see nothing but folks posting about their loves and their lovers. These things can remind you of what you don't have and even have you questioning why you aren’t in and whether you’re even worthy of being in a relationship. Now this post is not to tell you to go find somebody because you know that's not what I'm about. However, this post is about reminding you that you can be in the best and most dope relationship by V-day! I know it’s only a day or 2 away, but  to be in is the romantic relationship you will have to cultivate it yourself, because it’s with Y-O-U!

Now I know you might be reading this and thinking “excuse me, that's not even a thing” but it is a thing. And if it’s not, It should be a thing.

You know what holds us back from having a bomb ass romantic loving relationship? Hint: It’s not about being single. No, the real problem is that we have been taught and you have decided that romantic relationships with others should be and are more valuable than any other type of relationship you have, including one you could build with and for you. White supremacist society has taught, and we have repeated to ourselves that the relationship that you have with your friends, with your family, with other loved ones, and with yourself are secondary at best. We teach and confirm it with how we act. If someone starts a business or gets their mental health right, we don’t congratulate and love on them half as much as we do when they tell us they are getting married. It can make it seem like getting engaged and having babies are the only things in life worth doing. We end up with the belief that the only relationship that really matters, the one to be most proud of, and the one that gives us the most value is the romantic relationship we can cultivate with a partner. But, I want you to know that you can have a romantic relationship with YOURSELF and be damn proud of it! So, while you may not have somebody outside of you, you still have you. 

With that in mind I want you to think up a few things that you can do this Valentine's and every other Valentine's Day to celebrate the love that you have with yourself. Need some help? Here are a few of my suggestions:

1. Buy yourself some flowers, candy, and a card

Brighten up your space with a beautiful bouquet of flowers, treat yourself to your favorite chocolate, and write yourself a card. I know it seems weird but writing yourself a card and reminding yourself why you appreciate and love yourself, can be pretty fulfilling. So write your card, buy your flowers, and put them in a place that is visible to you so that you can be reminded of the lovely warm feelings that you have toward yourself.

2. Take yourself on a date. 

Yeah, in case you didn’t know, you do not have to stay at home on Valentine's Day just because there are gonna be couples out. You can take yourself out and go enjoy a beautiful lobster dinner, too, if that is what you want. Hell, go ahead and get a dinner for two and take one home to eat later.  Just take yourself out! You should not avoid going out or feel like you’re limited to the couch and reruns. Going out definitely should not just be something that is tied to whether or not you have a partner. This Valentine’s day enjoy a night out on the town, go see a movie, or go to a restaurant and enjoy the time with yourself. 

I know it can feel awkward going out alone, so arm yourself with things that help you feel more comfortable about eating solo in public. Whether that means taking a book or bringing your journal so that you can write about the experience. I’m personally a people watcher, so instead of reading you’ll see me watching everybody around me and relishing my food.

 3. Get Lucky

I feel like Valentine's Day in many ways is centered around getting lucky sexually. Everybody is trying to cap off this lovely day of love with an orgasm.  I'm saying go on and give yourself one, two, hell maybe 10.

However many you would like to enjoy, give it to yourself. You can buy some toys from askgoody.com/shop or go dust off whatever you got in the house. If you don't have anything hidden in your nightstand, I bet there are some tools that you can use including what is right there at the end of your wrist...your hand. Use your hands to enjoy yourself and bring yourself to orgasm. You’d be surprised by the mental health and physical benefits masturbation can bring, but that’s a whole other blog post. Just trust me when I say to go ahead and enjoy yourself.

And my last last tip, my bonus tip, (but we can call it number four) is to spend some time with your friends and family. Valentine's Day does not have to be only a celebration of romantic love. Take the time to celebrate the love that you have for your family. Take the time to celebrate the love that you have for your friends and go out with them on Galentine's day or whatever day it is that happens after Valentine's Day. 

Just be with the ones that you love and make sure that you show yourself the same love and appreciation that you show others.