Let's Talk About "The Talk"
I am sure by now you have heard of the whole tantrum by Sharon Osborne that took place on the CBS daytime talk show “The Talk.” Just in case you missed it, click here to see what has us talking.
Time to air this out … you ready??
In the aftermath, she apologized on Twitter, (insert huge eye roll and side eye) and the show is now on hiatus and nobody gets to make money because Sharon had a damn tantrum about being called out for her racist behavior. She was more concerned with not looking racist than she was with not being racist. This is where thoughts, emotions, and feelings are divided. This is something that I have discussed in great detail in my Darker the Berry program. Emotions, behaviors and thoughts are not the same. Too many times people are taught how to have non-racist behaviors, like that’s all that counts. But it’s not though because the second your emotions get agitated, you’re going to show your whole racist self by accident on live television.
So now you look a whole fool because somebody is asking you a legitimate question about why it is that you decided you were going to continue to support this person who has been blatantly racist on more than one occasion. Even if you don’t count the comments he’s made regarding Megan Markel, he’s been an ass on TV for years. Question 1 - How are you even defending a jackass? And question 2 - How is your justification of it all that he’s nice and that’s your defense? He may be nice, but he is not kind. Nice the performance that you put on for other people so that you can feel like a good or decent human being to others. But, usually something is amiss within, which is why being “nice” can be so exhausting. People have been taught how to perform niceties but they have not been taught how to be kind. He is not a kind man, that’s number one. Number two he made an entire career talking trash about Megan Markel, (and yes I have other feelings on that but I will not digress). Spent a whole career talking mess about this woman. And somehow we’re supposed to be convinced that he’s somehow a nice person? How sway? How can Sharon and those who have some of those same thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, choose not to recognize the racial motivation behind the amount of mess he talked about her? The defense argument of freedom of speech is not a defense at all. What you did was defend his right to be a racist jackass by calling it freedom of speech. Sure, you’re allowed to say whatever the hell you want but you can also catch these hands for saying it! More than that, you’re declaring freedom of speech and defending a person who probably would not even defend you.
Generally speaking, emotions, thoughts and behaviors are too interconnected to try and compartmentalize yourself into nonabrasive behaviors only, while leaving racists thoughts and emotions unchecked, especially when in the company of others. If you feel attacked that someone is saying something about you and calling you to the carpet to be held responsible, now your emotions are agitated. Those racist thoughts and emotions that already existed are now going to be present themselves and hence, the behaviors will follow.
What does that mean for this situation? It means that now Sharon gets to act like the offended white woman on television by accident. We know that folk are either racist or recovering racist because of how American culture is designed. This was just evidence to the point. Whether she’s actively racist or recovering racist, there is no in between, there’s no longer a question. Here in the United States of America we are literally faced with racism every day “on accident”. We can sit on anti-Blackness every single day “on accident.” It’s on TV. It’s in movies. It’s when you leave your house. It’s on the billboards and commercials, the favorite movie that you love or even in your favorite book. The fact is anti-Black racism exists everywhere. It’s mundane. It is the air that we breathe - the everyday life. Too many “allies” are sel-named and forget the mantle of the right for racial equity and equality can NEVER be put down. There is no rest.
In the brevity of the clip, or especially within the segment of the whole show, what we witnessed was DARVO in action. DARVO is an acronym for Deny, Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender. It is used to describe the reactions that take place when those who are accused of wrong-doing are being held accountable for their behavior and actions. “I’ve never known him to be racist.” (Denial). “You tell me a time when you called him out for it.” (Attack). “Don’t you dare cry. I need to be the one crying.” (Reverse victim and offender). Sheryl did what Black people have been taught to do in these situations. Affirmed the friendship and calmly restated that she was just asking a question … code for “Can you stop attacking me and making me feel bad for hurting you?” Black people are socialized to protect white feelings and bodies, to stop the attack and reverse the wrath and shield from any further consequence. In this situation, as many others, there is still loss. Now the whole show is on hiatus while they investigate the tantrum.
There are many who applauded Sheryl for being able to keep her cool and her calm in the face of all of this. I personally wanted to see her go clear off, but that changes the dynamic of the conversation and swiftly moves it away from the racist rant that started the whole thing to the fact that Sheryl is now the aggressive “angry Black woman” who went off on her co-worker who was “just trying to explain.” While her code-switching allows for us, and those who require perfect victims, to see Sharon's folly in this conversation, code-switching is not without harm. It causes internal violence. It is violent to the mind and to the body for Black people to constantly keep slipping back and forth between what has been deemed appropriate, good, safe, and professional by white supremacy, as opposed to being who they are. It is one of the reasons that people have anxiety and depression, because they spend so much time going back and forth that they don’t know who they really are in spaces. We have been taught to chip away at ourselves in order to make white people comfortable. We change our hair, clothes, the tonality of our voices, the volume of our voices because white people feel threatened when Black people speak, let alone if we speak loudly. This is white supremacy in action.
This situation was a small piece of what Black folk see and experience daily. The way that we give unadulterated access with no accountability to how white folk use DARVO every day or how they use white supremacy every day and even how they continue to use the power dynamics in order to further their own agenda and to continue to put themselves in the position that white is might and Black is subordinate. The shit is exhausting - the white woman “white womaning.” Anyone who was surprised by this, as far as I am concerned, has not been paying attention to the world we live in. I have said it before and I will say it again, as dangerous as the white man has been, the white woman is far more dangerous as she uses her whiteness and femininity, along with the protected status as a woman to wield the police and white men as a weapon. White men already have power but dangerous are those who seek it but pretend otherwise. With her feminine “weakness” on display it has been proven that lives can and will be lost, think Emmett Till.
If you are a part of an organization that is serious about doing the work to bring the necessary change for these types of racist events to cease, I encourage you to be Called to Action and book a call with me. Let’s discuss bringing the Darker the Berry Program to your office today!