We are living in what feels like an unprecedented time. There are genocides galore and the feelings of powerlessness and voicelessness abound— wreaking havoc on our emotions, yes, but also likely giving a pretty heavy dose of vicarious trauma. You can’t watch the aftermath of bombing, see babies beheaded, and simultaneously hear some of our government officials say “you just don’t understand,” without wondering what fucking reality you are living in.

I don’t yet digress. I am a sex and relationship therapist. If I were you, I would be wondering why I am talking about this as though I have a modicum of expertise. After all, I am no political pundit. I would remind you that my expertise lies in understanding relationships, patterns, and power. And for me, that is all I see when I think about what is going on on the world stage. All I can see are connections, patterns, relationships, and power.

It is #minoritymentalhealthmonth!…Politics of respectability is a phrase that was coined by Evelyn Higgenbotham in 1993. The idea here, is that one monitors and presents oneself in an acceptable, pure, chaste, respectable, albeit Eurocentric, way.

We are finally back to #SelfCare! It has been a while since the first post on this subject called SELF CARE: LEVEL 1 . But we are back at it again! If you remember the last one, or just read it for the first time, Physical self care was the first level. Some people may not understand why I made physical care level 1, but here are a few quick reasons: 1. Taking care of yourself physically comes most naturally for some people...i.e. Washing your booty, eating, sleeping, etc. For level one, I only asked you to evaluate and step your game up on something you likely already do daily. 2. Check out this link on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Basically, this tells says that in order for you to reach the highest potential for yourself, you must first meet your basic needs. Those basic needs start out with a need for sleep, water, food, air, and sex...or in other words, meeting physical needs. Some would say “sex” is not a basic need. I would disagree. Sex can be not only a biological imperative, but can also be a form of exercise and a way to achieve release. Also. I am not talking about what most folk think about when they see the word s-e-x. I am thinking about oral, vaginal, digit (finger), anal, and solo SEX. Basically, all the ways you could have sex, alone or with partner(s)….

It seems that with the start of the New Year, ALL the folk, especially Black Women, are more aware of their mental health. Even with all this supposed awareness, people aren’t sure what they are looking for or seem to be unclear on what “Mental Health” constitutes. Things people commonly say about therapy to me includes: “My problem isn’t important enough to speak to a therapist about” or “I don’t want to take up time from someone who *REALLY* needs therapy” or “I’m Black. Therapy is for white people.” This way of thinking and speaking allows people of color to talk themselves (and their loved ones) out of therapy before they have truly considered it. Let’s spend some time speaking about 3 Mental Health Myths. Then maybe we can have some honest discussion about our needs.