Sexuality - G’s Up, you know the rest…
Even while living in arguably one of the most sex-positive eras ever, Black women still seem to be dismissed, disregarded, and disrespected for leading healthy sex lives - especially when not adhering to bullshit puritanical monogamous standards. But this isn’t new.
History of Sexuality for Black Women
The persistent and detrimental outlook that having a healthy libido is equal to being a sinful pit of demonic possession, has been around for centuries especially for Black women. From the time of slavery to now, our bodies have been seen as grotesque when not wanted yet desired when lusted after. Black women were and continue to be hypersexualized, so much so that we were given the racial slur “Jezebels” not too long ago. This term portrayed Black women as inherently promiscuous, even to the point of being predatory. I won’t get into the shit that happened as a result of this horrific perspective, but it just goes to show that there’s still work to be done in wiping out this harmful stereotype.
The Impact of Double Standards
Fast, slut, bitch, ho, along with a myriad of other slurs have been used to label Black women who enjoy consensual sex in any capacity while men get seen as G’s, top dogs, alphas, winners, or whatever other dumb double-standard term for doing the same exact thing. I’ve even heard phrases like “a key that opens many locks is a master key, but a lock that opens for any key is a shitty lock”. This right here holds the true essence of how sex-related double standards keep Black women from simply enjoying themselves. Same goes for parents towards their children. How many Black women grew up with a brother who was able to do whatever he felt like, while our bodies were being policed throughout our entire childhood? Or told that even thinking about sex meant acting grown and therefore warranted being treated like an adult complete with bills and other parental responsibilities? In our homes, sex was something that made us unclean, promiscuous and lacking in self-respect.
As for the outside world, that’s a whole other story. Black girls are known to develop earlier than other races and the world makes sure we know it. This further leads to the hypersexualization of our bodies. While every woman and girl is given the “be a good girl” speech, Black women and girls are the ones left with the expectation that they are always “down to fuck” simply because of how our bodies develop. This increases the chances that most initial sexual encounters for Black women are traumatizing - whether it be from sexual assault or experienced significantly earlier than the national average.
How to Move Forward
First, stop treating Black women like they are solely made to fuck around. Stop seeing them as just bodies living only to cater to the sexual needs of others. Start seeing them as multifaceted individuals, fully capable of making healthy decisions about their sexuality. Start seeing them as women who have every right to live their lives as they see fit. Understand that monogamy isn’t the only way to enjoy sexual relations. The truth is there’s no“right” way to have sex - except of course that consent is 100% mandatory. When we stop adhering to double standards, gender norms, and puritanical nonsense, we’ll be that much closer to supporting and protecting one of the most vulnerable demographics in the U.S. - Black women.
