The Secrets of Pleasure: How It Benefits You Mentally and Emotionally.

Photo by Joshua Mcknight

This March we have been talking about taking control. Given that women and Black folk have been taught to place wyt people in control of everything, and because they (white folk) tend to be heading up multimillion dollar corporations and this very country, we thought it was necessary. Well, what about your pleasure? One thing we know is that almost everyone in this world is in pursuit of satisfaction, ease, and happiness. Being at ease, satisfied, and happy are surreal emotions and bring us a sense of mental and emotional peace. 

But in knowing that, why do we stop ourselves from indulging in pleasure? 

Now there is a whole history of racism, sexism, etc. etc. etc. to consider, so yeah, that is part of it. Some of it is also that we have been taught how to survive, not how to thrive and live a more unencumbered desire fueled life. But I can see that we want to. We might try a little something that brings us unadulterated joy and then go right back into our shell. There is this internal battle of whether indulging in our pleasure is good for us or not. We get to thinking about what we were taught. The many ways we have been told to “stay in our place” and we also think about religious upbringings and if we are on the right path. We even came up with the term ‘guilty pleasure’, because we're guilty about doing it. But what does science say about this? 

 What you don’t know about pleasure.

Everyone has essential human needs. 

Most of the time the cause of stress is not meeting those needs, whatever they might be. i.e. We don’t take control. And because we are not taking control our physical, mental and emotional well-being suffers. While we have been taught to meet our most basic needs– food, water, and shelter– those are not the only needs. 

Pleasure and happiness are also needed. Not just a “want” but a need!

Pleasure is the experience of feeling something good. It is the enjoyment of doing something that makes you feel satisfied. People who crave intimacy need a healthy sex life. And we are often reluctant to do it. Sometimes, it's because some of our guilty pleasures are delectably unusual for others. 

Well, your guilty pleasures aren’t guilty. These pleasurable things we do, allow our brains to rest. 

Intimacy is something we experience physically. But it can also greatly affect our brain. And whether we admit it or not, sexuality is part of our life. Especially since we are sexual beings from the cradle to the grave. Sex can both be about intimacy and pleasure. 

Here are a few  serious benefits of pleasure that could greatly improve our emotional and mental wellbeing. 

1. It reduces anxiety. 

Pleasurable activity, whether it's food or sex, delivers more than just pleasure. It also reduces worry! It reduces the number of stress hormones released by the body. 
Those who have sex once a month or less are more likely to get heart disease than those who do it twice a week or more. Part of the reason could be that you receive a little more exercise and are less stressed or sad as a result. That's why an active sex life can make you happier and healthier, which may help you avoid anxiety. 
Sex increases serotonin levels, which can help you feel better and battle depression. Serotonin is one of the hormones released during orgasm. It's the chemical that makes you feel relieved from stress and anxiety. 
Low serotonin levels can make it difficult to make or create plans and strategies. If your serotonin levels are low, you may find it difficult to complete tasks. You might feel easily agitated, depressed, or unable to control your urges. 

But don’t worry, solo sex is still sex! So go ahead and grab your favorite toy from Lora DiCarlo (you know mine is the Baci and the Ose 2) and have a great time!

2. It boosts confidence. 

Confident people appear happier because they feel more at ease in their skin, and it shows! People with poor self-esteem appear more concerned with what others think and how they are perceived. As a result, the energy they have is just a bit different. Yeah, I know, you have probably been on team “fake it till we make it” for a minute, but the thing is, we can tell. The real question is: is it possible for happiness to lead to self-assurance? 

Yup! That appears to be the case…according to science, anyway

There is logic to happiness impacting your confidence as well. Genuinely happy and content folk are more in touch with themselves and their emotions. This might help them gain confidence.

It requires a certain amount of self-assurance to engage in sex the way you desire, but sex can also reciprocate. Having sex frequently can help enhance self-confidence. It builds a more favorable attitude about yourself. A lack of sex can be detrimental, lowering your self-esteem and confidence. 

The feelings of intimacy with your partner, as well as feeling nurtured and desired increases your self-confidence and overall well-being when you have sex. 

Sexual activity regularly, whether partnered or solo, might make you appear younger. Ahhh the eternal fountain of youth! This is partly related to estrogen secretions. One study discovered a link between regular sexual activity and the appearance of being much younger (between seven to 12 years younger!). The vast majority of these people were also at ease with their sexuality and sexual identity. 

3. It improves your mental health.

Positive emotions can help to reduce stress hormones and strengthen emotional resilience. It can help you recover from stress, solve issues, think more creatively, and even fight sickness.

The pleasure in doing what makes you happy reduces discomfort. 

You can try to engage in leisure activities that provide a break from problems. There’s a sense of accomplishment in doing so plus a variety of other advantages. Now, don’t be shy, if goal planning and follow through are a problem and you notice it negatively impacting your mental health, I have tools to help. You can grab my tips in this Goal Digging Masterclass here, or just get the Goal Digging Workbook. Think of it as an investment in your mental health

4. It leads to a night of better sleep.

You get a better sleep when your body releases oxytocin, sometimes known as the "love" or "intimacy" hormone, as well as endorphins. Sedation can be caused by a combination of these hormones. And pleasure through orgasms helps our body to release these hormones.

There are wonderful benefits of having the pleasure of better sleep.

A night of better sleep can help with: 

• a more powerful immune system

• longer life expectancy

• feeling more rested

• having great stamina during the day

It supports a healthier, more rejuvenated YOU! Because, stop playing, you and I both know that a lack of sleep can worsen mental health issues or raise your risk of having one. 

5. It reduces the chances of depression.

Listen up folk, we people are sociable beings that are wired to seek out physical contact with others. It gives us pleasure. Now, COVID took that option a way from a lot of us as we were in and out of lockdown and quarantine. But physical displays of affection can range from something as simple as a hug or handshake to something far more intimate, such as kissing or sex. 

Receiving and giving physical gestures of affection, regardless of the form you and a consenting other person chooses, can truly improve your mental health. People who are "touch-deprived" are more prone to experience stress or despair. Pleasure decreases stress hormones and builds emotional strength. 

Takeaways

While living an asexual or celibate life is not physically or psychologically unhealthy, for those who seek the intimacy of a sexual connection, a healthy sex life is an important element of a full and happy existence. 

For many people, pleasure is not only a component of living a satisfying life, but it also helps to maintain good mental health in a variety of ways. 

There are a lot of ways to experience pleasures. Some folk find pleasure in listening to music for longer hours, some may binge-watch Netflix shows or even go shopping. Whatever you choose to do, find various ways to add more pleasure in your life. 

Take Control. Pleasure is your birthright!

Homework: Consider one way every day that you can add pleasure to your life. Add a suggestion in the comment section below. Someone needs to know :)