We are living in what feels like an unprecedented time. There are genocides galore and the feelings of powerlessness and voicelessness abound— wreaking havoc on our emotions, yes, but also likely giving a pretty heavy dose of vicarious trauma. You can’t watch the aftermath of bombing, see babies beheaded, and simultaneously hear some of our government officials say “you just don’t understand,” without wondering what fucking reality you are living in.

I don’t yet digress. I am a sex and relationship therapist. If I were you, I would be wondering why I am talking about this as though I have a modicum of expertise. After all, I am no political pundit. I would remind you that my expertise lies in understanding relationships, patterns, and power. And for me, that is all I see when I think about what is going on on the world stage. All I can see are connections, patterns, relationships, and power.

Finally, that crisp September air is here! With the changing of the season in a week and all of our Autumn plans coming a whole lot closer, we know that cuffing season has arrived!!! With cuffing season usually seems to come a whole lot of expectations and the close kin, miscommunication. You know we have to work on that. Let’s talk about expectations and communication in cuffing season.

It's not so much a power exchange, which I think could be a great thing within relationships and relational interactions, but it's more in the context of having and keeping the upper hand to have dominion over the relationship. So in a sense, some are seeking to be G God while their partner would remain a peasant sent do their bidding. Power. 

Anyway, there are many people who are not in the romantic situation they want to be in. Some feel like they only manage to attract fuck bois and fuck girls. Others feel like they are settling into relationships they would rather not be in (some of which are abusive, though not physically). And even more others are concerned they will end up being single for the rest of their lives because the formula to dating seems to be off for them. When dealing with this in session, with friends, or with strangers on the street, one of my most pressing questions is: “What do you want from a relationship?” 

Can you be in a SUCCESSFUL relationship with someone else? Now, I have to throw the emphasis on successful, because if you really wanted to, I am sure we could all find ourselves in a relationship. But just because you “got somebody” doesn’t mean they are the person for you, nor does it make the relationship good or successful.

Dating can be stressful. Adding to the sometimes stressful dating process is the fact that we are living in a time where we all have strong opinions about a lot of important topics. Because it’s a polarizing time, it’s important to be very clear about what issues are important to you when it comes to choosing potential partners. The days of avoiding conversations about politics, religion, and race is over. A lot of us have very strong opinions about these subjects and it’s important to figure out if you’re on the same page BEFORE developing feelings for someone who might have a conflicting world view.