To keep it simple, spectatoring takes you out of enjoying the moment or moments (if your partner knows what they’re doing) and instead of enjoying the sex for what it is, you are worried about what your body and hair looks like to your partner. It can be described as an out of body experience, you’re aware of what’s going on but, distracted and can’t focus.

Definition

For those who are not necessarily “in the know” the phrase Mind Your Business, is a verb, in which the person who has been told is expected to respect someone else’s private matters by refraining from being meddlesome, dropping their 2 cents (thought, opinions, or suggestions). This includes but is not limited to minding your own based on someone's appearance, attitude, situation(s), or other occurrences as defined by the giver of the statement either verbally, through text, or through body language (which includes but is not limited to putting up one hand in your direction, rolling their eyes, or turning away).

We need to work on setting our expectations around sex and relationships and then making sure others are aware of these boundaries.

I got more advice yall. I mean why shouldn’t you get as much as you can from a sex therapist, right? So, here we go again. This is the second post in honor of some of the clients I see. A week or two ago, I did a post on how to get through when you just broke up with someone. You can read that HERE. Today we are moving on to those who aren’t sure if the person they are with, is the person they should be with. In other words, those who feel stuck and aren’t sure how to move forward.

Cuffing season is coming to an end and so are a lot of relationships. Some of y'all didn’t want to be lonely for the New Year, Valentine's Day etc. and are getting around the breaking up with people that you thought could have been special and folk you knew weren’t. Either way, breaking up with someone is never easy and still can hurt. As a sex and relationship therapist in the Washington D.C. metro area, I see lots of people who are in transition: breaking up, getting back together, tryna fix it, etc. For now, we focus on breaking up and how to get through…

We are finally back to #SelfCare! It has been a while since the first post on this subject called SELF CARE: LEVEL 1 . But we are back at it again! If you remember the last one, or just read it for the first time, Physical self care was the first level. Some people may not understand why I made physical care level 1, but here are a few quick reasons: 1. Taking care of yourself physically comes most naturally for some people...i.e. Washing your booty, eating, sleeping, etc. For level one, I only asked you to evaluate and step your game up on something you likely already do daily. 2. Check out this link on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Basically, this tells says that in order for you to reach the highest potential for yourself, you must first meet your basic needs. Those basic needs start out with a need for sleep, water, food, air, and sex...or in other words, meeting physical needs. Some would say “sex” is not a basic need. I would disagree. Sex can be not only a biological imperative, but can also be a form of exercise and a way to achieve release. Also. I am not talking about what most folk think about when they see the word s-e-x. I am thinking about oral, vaginal, digit (finger), anal, and solo SEX. Basically, all the ways you could have sex, alone or with partner(s)….

Hey Yall! Sometimes what we need is to take a moment (or five) relax. Here is a guided imagery video recorded just for you and set to some R&B. ENJOY!